Betrayal is probably the toughest thing to get over. When the person you trusted is revealed as not who you thought or not trustworthy, that truth will literally knock the breath out of you. In those moments, when you see or hear the truth, you have a physical reaction.
However, most betrayal comes from your illusions of people. You wanted to believe a set of ideas about someone. You can control your illusions. You can’t control other people.
The classic betrayal is the cheater. You believed and acted as if you were in a monogamous relationship. Betrayals happen in many ways other than infidelity. Every form of betrayal hurts.
You won’t get through a lifetime without being betrayed by someone somehow. You will likely betray someone yourself. You may be a chronic betrayer.
Illusions that betray you grow out of the way you want things to be and often are rooted in good desires. You want a best friend. You project “best friend” onto someone, and then you set about trying to make that true. You ignore all the signs and even words that this person is perhaps not in need of a best friend. Maybe the person has little in common with you. Maybe she has no interest in making time to do things with you. The list can go on and on.
You will form illusions about yourself, if not careful. You may admire women who have two kids, a perfectly loving husband, and sell their art and handmade crafts to raise money for family mission trips or whatever. In your mind, those women have everything. You decide to become one yourself. Over time, you come to see yourself as that woman. The reality may be quite the opposite but you persist in the belief that it’s just a matter of time before you get your husband and kids to act properly. All those half-finished crafty projects in the basement are just one Sunday afternoon away from completion and ready for market.
Then one day, you overhear your kid talking to a friend. “My mom thinks she’s an artist, but all she does is make a mess and never cook us dinner.”
Maybe you try to engage your husband in a conversation about how to get started with selling your art. He says, “Look, I know you enjoy fooling around with those projects, but we don’t have the money to do it.”
Whatever happens to open your eyes, it hurts. The key to getting past illusion to realistic goals achieved is to keep your eyes open. Ideally, you have your eyes open already. Most people are not immune to illusion. When an illusion is attacked in some form, the human tendency is to deny it, ignore it, or attack it back.
Goals and dreams are a good thing for your life. God planted dreams in your heart from a young age through the unique gifts and opportunities afforded to you. The maturing girl allows illusions to die and works diligently toward goals and dreams.
Goals are reached through a million small steps, thousands of repetitions of behaviors that build ability and reality.
If you want an oak tree, you gotta plant an acorn.
Decide one thing you want to materialize in your life. Realistically research the steps. If you still want it, go after it.
Die to your illusions. They will betray you. Are you the person you present yourself to be publicly, or are you phony? Check yourself to ensure that what you believe is verifiable by actions, words, facts. If you say, I want to be an astronaut, that is possible only if you are excelling at the education needed to get the job, and you have the physical and mental capacity to hold the job.
Don’t be bitter or passive when you get hints that illusions may have formed about yourself or others. Be sober and active. Think the best about others and yourself, but put up some safeguards to ensure what you see is real not an illusion. Letter grades in school, contracts for buying a house, and a host of other societal measures are helpful safeguards.